So I mentioned the other week that we had a kung fu party after we watch Kung Fu Panda 2. Well for the past few weeks I’ve had a post idea half completed about some things I’ve learned from Kung Fu Panda 2. But first you need to know this. For the longest time in the back of my mind I thought that it was terrible that Lily’s parents abandoned her.
Makes sense, right?
Well recently I’ve been thinking of a different scenario. If you remember, in Kung Fu Panda 2, Po’s parents leave him behind when their village is attacked. Not because they wanted too, but because they had too.
And the thought that has begun to develop in my mind is this “maybe these parents didn’t want to give their kid up" or "maybe it was the hardest decision they ever had to make."
I don't know the reasons for why Lily's (or Ellie and Sammie's) families abandoned them.
I wish that I could tell them that we love their child. That Lily will go to bed tonight full. That she will wake up and have clothes to wear. But most importantly that she is surrounded by people that love and care for her.
Maybe I should also re-read my post on not judging others because we don't always know the whole story...
What are your thoughts?
much love,
the petersons
I read this book Message from an Unknown Chinese Mother: Stories of Loss and Love by Xinran
ReplyDeleteI am keeping it for my daughter. When she gets much older and may want to read some reasons from the Chinese moms. These stories of Chinese moms who gave up their children were all so heartbreaking. It gave me a better understanding of why so many of them feel they have no other choice. So very sad to read, but very enlightening.
Thanks for sharing that Martha. I will have to find that book someday. I think it will be conversations that all of us who adopt will have to have at some point. It would be nice to be a little bit more informed before going into it. Thanks again for sharing. -Matt
DeleteI was also going to share about how Xinran's Message from an Unknown Chinese Mother really affected me. It is so easy to judge, but the more educated I've become about abandonment in China, the more stories I've read/heard, the more I realize that I just can't know the motive behind my children's abandonments. Both of our adopted children have medical issues. One of my children has more significant medical issues and it is easy to assume that was the reason for her abandonment. I have heard of other positive children being abandoned b/c Mom was in full blown AIDS and was dying, or perhaps she thought she was dying....maybe later got on ARV's but it was too late....maybe couldn't afford meds or the shame/scrutiny of others and wanted her child to escape that fate. I do not think that most parents take it lightly. I have heard many many horrifying stories of children being tossed aside, killed, eliminated, however you want to say it after birth b/c of gender or birth defects, so that tells me that my children were loved. It would have been a risk to go to lengths to leave them in a place they would be easily discovered. Xinran actually talked with mothers in China who abandoned their child and some who ended their infant's life or had someone else do it for them. Again, it's easy to judge things we haven't experienced as we tend to use our own scope of experience to judge right and wrong. Love has many forms. I choose to believe my Chinese children were loved.
ReplyDeleteGood word Holly. Thanks for adding to the conversation. -Matt
DeleteWhen I think of Fisher's birth parents and the fact that they left him on a train, I feel grateful. They loved him. They showed compassion. They could have killed him. They could have left him in the cold. But they didn't, they left him on a warm train where he would be found. They knew they couldn't afford the surgery to repair his mouth and they wanted him to hopefully have a better life. I believe they truly loved him.
ReplyDeleteTrue. I forget (as others on here have mentioned) that these parents could have killed these kids and didn't. Thanks everyone for your thoughts, much appreciated! -Matt
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