10 Questions And Answers About Foster Care

"Our sweet Lily."

I want to continue my lists of ten with some questions a friend recently asked me about foster care. I put together the questions and answers and I hope that they can help/serve you. If you have more questions feel free to comment below.

1. How and why did you start fostering? 
Well one night we got a text from a good friend of ours explaining how there was an orphan in our city that needed a home. So we hadn’t really planned on doing it as much as found ourselves just responding to a need around us. I came across a quote recently that has been very impactful “Availability is rarer than ability” we aren’t anything special, but we have made ourselves available to serve and love others. I love that our Father uses us to be His hands and feet in this world to others.

2. How have you experienced God through your fostering experience? Both good and bad! 
One way we’ve experienced Him is in our need for Him. I remember the second night we had Lily in our house and my wife and I laid all the kids down to bed. We made our way to the couch where we collapsed like cheap folding chairs. Both of us expressed how we felt overwhelmed and in that moment we realized our need to turn to Him even for the simple things. Not just the miracles. With Sammie and Ellie we’ve had a lot of these moments.

We have seen a bunch of people reach out to us and love us. Literally wrapping their arms around us to love us and encourage us in this time. It has been a good reminder that we are the Body of Christ, not just alone trying to do His work.

3. How did you feel when you first met your child? 
This is a tough question for me to answer, because when people adopt, they know they will care for that child for the rest of their lives. With Lily we didn’t know how long we would care for her. So I don’t think I had the typical feelings people will express when they first meet their adopted child. But, as time has gone by the bond has been made strong. Today I don’t look at Lily any different than I do our biological children. But that has only come through time and pushing through difficult times.

4. What was the first night/24 hours like? 
Exciting and overwhelming. Exciting because our lives took a huge turn in an unexpected direction, which is one of the foundations for any adventure story. I would say overwhelming for the same reason. It was new and we had no idea what to expect because we had no experience in fostering an orphan. (Or how to care for someone who’s HIV+.) 

5. How has this affected your children already living at home/ faith/marriage? 
I think the best way it’s impacted my marriage is it has given us a purpose that we both share. We’re in this adventure together, side-by-side and that’s exciting. Of course, it’s tough in regard to more kids equaling more responsibilities, but it just means we need to be more intentional about spending time together.

For our kids it’s been amazing. I want them to grow up knowing the importance of helping others. Showing them that and not just telling them that is powerful. Seeing our kids play together and love each other is such an amazing thing. I hope that my wife and I continue to pass on the legacy of helping orphans to our children.

In regards to our faith, fostering these children has really pushed us in ways our comfortable life wouldn’t have. I need God more than ever, even in the most basic ways, and that is directly because of the work we are doing.

6. What is the best thing? 
Knowing that my wife and I are making a real difference in someone’s life is one of the best things. And that the difference will last longer than our lives.

7. What is the worst? 
The sacrifice of comfort and time is the hardest thing. There is no vacation from parenting or fostering (Maybe I should re-read this.)  Every day my wife and I wake up we need to give ourselves completely to the children we are raising.

8. What advice would you give that you wish was given to you? 
Don’t have expectations of what emotions you ‘should be’ feeling. People who adopt have incredible first encounters with their forever adoptive children, but it’s not always the case when you’re fostering. Emotions and feelings can’t be our guide for what we do and if we’re doing the right thing. If you make someone else’s experience your expectation it can set you up for heartache.

It will get better. The first six months were the hardest for us, knowing that has helped us with our adjustment and expectations with taking in Sammie and Ellie.

9. What were reactions of friends, family, Chinese people? 
Most people were SUPER supportive of us doing this and saw the value in it. Some people were concerned about the HIV aspect of it and if it would be dangerous to the rest of our family. That has all changed since getting our first foster child. To be honest, not many Chinese people know that our foster children are HIV+ and one of the only ones that did stopped working for us. It was tough to feel that rejection, but I can’t imagine the rejection these kids feel and have felt. Even the smallest taste of rejection has been tough.

10. Specific problems you had? 
Night terrors were a difficult part of our first few months. Not knowing how to handle them and just feeling worried for Lily. With Sammie and Ellie we really didn’t have that issue. Speaking a lot of Chinese is draining. With all our foster children we’ve needed to speak primarily in Chinese and that is exhausting. Kids pick up languages quick though, but it takes a little while for them to adjust.

When we took in Ellie and Sammie that put us at six kids and that just makes things tough. And now that Heather’s pregnant that can make it pretty draining. There are times where multiple kids are crying/needing something and that can be difficult.

Are there any questions you have for me about fostering?

much love,
the petersons

10 GREAT Things About Big Families

"This is us before we knew the benefits of a large famiy."

What is good about having a big family? As a family of six, we have some opinions on the matter.  So this list is written as a mixture of what I think, but also what I think my kids would think. I've written more about marriage and parenting if you're interested as well.

10. It gives you tons of stories (and blogging material) -

If we didn’t have a big family we wouldn’t have this story, this one, or these.  And that would be a lot more comfortable, but it wouldn’t necessarily be better.

9. Always a birthday party -

Birthdays are fun! Friends come over, you eat cake and watch kids open presents, who doesn’t love a Birthday party? Satan is the only person I can think of.  Anyways, with a big family you’re always celebrating someone’s day.

8. Learn to share (or die) -

In a big family everyday is a lesson in learning to share. And if you can’t adapt you die.  Plain and simple.

7. Learning patience is an everyday thing -

Another lesson that you are forced to learn with a big family is to have patience. Everyone is always wanting something or needing something. And that makes a big family an excellent school for learning patience.  Sanity, however, is not easily fostered in a big family.

6. Always a friend nearby -

True. My kids will ask to play with friends and can easily be sad if they go too long without seeing/playing with them. However a playmate is never too far away in the form of a sibling.

5. Leftovers always get eaten -

Chances are if you have a big family, someone is going to like whatever it is that’s leftover.  We rarely have to throw food out, if ever, because we have six different sets of taste buds evaluating every option.

4. No TV -

We don’t let our kids watch a ton of TV.  Not because we’re super parents, not by any means.  It’s just easier to do when kids have siblings to play with.

3. Its loud -

The Chinese have a word “Re Nao” which means something along the lines of “lively”.  Our house is definitely “Re Nao”. This can fall into both categories of pro and con for having a big family. For the most part a lot of kids make a house “lively” and fun.  When they are gone the silence can be painfully deafening.

2. No shortage -

Dress-up clothes and toys are never in short supply. Just check out this, this and this and you’ll get an idea of what I mean. Also, there are plenty of hand-me-downs for our younger kids.

1. You don’t have to do it all -

Entertaining and making fun games and memories isn’t all dependent on you. Your kids are also part of the equation.  They spend so much time together playing/entertaining and at the same time making fun memories together.

I love having a big family.  What are your thoughts?  What things do you like about having a big family?

Check out more of our lists if you're wanting more to read.

much love,

the petersons

10 Motivational Quotes For Your Monday

Everyone loves quotes.  Here are 10 (mostly) motivational quotes that I really enjoy.

“Availability is rarer than ability.”
-I'm not sure who said this

“The way to get things done is not to mind who gets the credit of doing them.”
-Benjamin Jowett

“If you take too long in deciding what to do with your life, you’ll find you’ve done it.”
-George Bernard Shaw

"You will accomplish more developing a sincere interest in people than you'll accomplish trying to get people interested in you."
-Dale Carnegie

"Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing.” 
-Benjamin Franklin

"Be more concerned with character than reputation. Character is what you are, reputation is what people think you are."
-John Wooden

"A day lived without showing love to others, is a day not worth living."
-Mother Theresa

“A man who won't die for something is not fit to live.”
-Martin Luther King, Jr.

“Everybody can be great...because anybody can serve.” -
Martin Luther King Jr.

“A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives.”
-Jackie Robinson

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”
-Martin Luther King Jr.

Good, huh?  Which one is your favorite?  Have any good ones to add?

If you need another list of ten, check these out.

much love,

the petersons

Ten Things I Did In The Past Ten Years

Last week I was in Beijing to renew my passport, because it’s going to expire.  It’s been ten years since I got it; pretty crazy to think of how fast time goes.    As I thought about the fact that it’s been a full ten years since I had to last do this, I had the thought of taking a moment to reflect on my past ten years.  Here are ten things I did in the past ten years.

*Left it all… Nearly ten years ago I had the realization that my work wasn’t fulfilling me.  That there was something else out there for me.  Shortly after that I left my job, my family and friends.

*Took a road less traveled – I went to Colorado to pursue getting to know Jesus and how to serve/love others.  It certainly wasn’t a well worn road, but taking it has made all the difference.

*Saw the world – I had the privilege of getting to see a lot of the world in the past ten years.  Places stateside, like New York, Colorado, and San Francisco.  But even better I got to see places like, North Africa, The Caribbean, Mexico, China, Thailand, Chile, Argentina, Colombia and Hong Kong.

*Got married – Life is much more enjoyable when you’re sharing it with someone.  I’m grateful to have met my best friend and even more grateful that I was able to convince her to marry me.  This year we will have been married for eight years.

*Started our family –  Our first child, Sydney, was born six years ago, following her we had Aubrey (almost four years old) and Caleb (a year a half old).

*Left it all, again…  For the second time in my past ten years I said goodbye to many of the people I loved, when Heather and I moved our family to China nearly four years ago. 

*Saw some cool stuff – I have been incredibly fortunate to have been able to see some awesome stuff.  The desert in North Africa, a volcanic beach in Chile, the Andes Mountains, the ocean in multiple places, the Great Wall, the Forbidden City, the mountains of Colorado, overlooked Hong Kong from Mt. Victoria, the Golden Gate bridge, and about a million other things that my wife doesn't think are cool enough to make this list (but I know better.)

*Learned to speak Chinese – One of the hardest languages in the world.  Or at least that’s what people say.  I mean, how do they measure that?  Anyways, I don’t feel anywhere near fluent, but I am able to communicate with Chinese people and that’s rewarding.

*Started adoption/foster care journey – Many of you who read our blog know that a little over a year ago Heather and I began fostering our daughter Lily.  We want to adopt her when we reach the minimum age requirement of 30.  Since then we’ve also started fostering two more kids, Ellie and Sammie.  This was a huge turn in our life that we didn’t see coming, but are grateful for.

*Learned a bit about this person I call myself – I can’t say I knew anything about myself ten years ago.  I was just a stupid kid with high hopes.  Luckily, Jesus has been continuing to teach me.  To be honest, I don’t even think I knew much about myself before coming to China.  Being here, on this journey, has taught me a lot about myself.

Along the way I’ve been incredibly blessed to have been able to work with some amazing people.  I wouldn’t be anywhere if it weren’t for the amazing and supportive people I've had around me.

That’s me.  What’s something you did, saw, experienced, learned, or enjoyed in the past ten years?

much love,

the petersons

10 Things I Like About Living In China

We moved to China in 2008 and have learned a lot about China and ourselves.  Here is a list of 10 things I like about living in China.

The cost of living - Everything is cheaper here and that just makes life easier.  Food, housing, utilities, phones, even a bottle of Coke is less and at times significantly less than it would cost in the States.  I’m very grateful for this.

Good people - China is full of really good, sincere, nice people.  When we moved here we were so dependent on others for everything.  And even now we are in constant need of our Chinese friends.  I’m grateful for the friends I’ve made here and the joy they have brought to me and my family.

You’re never alone - This could fall in both the pro and con list.  Really you’re never alone.  Even at night when I’m sitting in my living room reading or on the computer I can still hear people just outside our building.  In the morning it’s pretty early when the buses start their routes.  It’s just life here.  I like this, but there are days where I don’t.

More exercise - You just walk more in China than you do in the States.  We don’t have a personal car (but I have bought an electric motorcycle) so I have to walk to get some basic things done.  I’ve enjoyed this chance to take walks and exercise as part of my life.

Better portions - Not only do you exercise more just by living in China, but the portions are much healthier.  I wasn’t super aware of this until I traveled back to the States and realized that it’s true.  Now if I could just stop ordering more of everything to make up for the better portions.

Life is never dull - In China we ride in taxis, trains, buses, subways, rickshaws, and electric motorcycles.  We get to watch the most amazing fireworks display each year.  We get to eat pig’s feet, frog’s legs and other random stuff.  Life is never dull.

I’ve learned more about myself - Moving to China was a tough transition in many ways. I had everything that I knew, accomplished, and made me comfortable taken away (ok, I chose to come to China, so it wasn’t taken away as much as it was given away, but you get the point).  This forced me to learn more about myself and to grow in new ways.  It wasn’t easy, but I’m glad to have gone through it.

You get to learn a new language - It’s a challenge that has pushed me, but has also rewarded me.  There’s nothing better than speaking Chinese with Chinese people, especially when they don’t expect you to be able to speak Chinese.  And when you can barter, oh man, so good.

You get to learn a new culture - I’ve learned a lot from the Chinese.  Things I would never have learned if I never left my native culture.  I’m grateful to the Chinese and although we have many differences in how we see the world and life I’m learning from them.

No driving, no car, and no car insurance - For many ex-pats this would be a negative, not me.  I hate driving, yes, hate driving.  Living in China I don't have to.  Not only that, but I’m also not paying for insurance, gas or car repairs and upkeep.  This is a HUGE pro in my book for living in China.

The food (and family style) - Chinese have some incredible food.  Some of it has taken me a little bit to get used to, but it is so good.  I eat WAY more veggies (and fruit) since moving to China, so that’s good.  Also, I really enjoy the family style eating.  This is where you order many dishes and everyone gets a little from each dish, as opposed to ordering your own meal and not getting much variety.


Here's more about what we do here in China.

with hope,

the petersons

101 Ideas To Blog About

Here’s a list of 101 ideas for you to blog about.  There are times when it can be tough to find something to write about; so I hope this list helps.  Share it, bookmark it, and come back to it anytime you need inspiration or an idea to blog about (I know I will.)  Hope you enjoy!

1. Your favorite place to blog/write

2. Your favorite vacation

3. One social issue that is important to you.  Inform us!

4. Write a review of your favorite blog

5. Write a book review

6. The most impactful book you’ve read

7. A list of your favorite books

8. One embarrassing moment. Yikes!

9. A photo post

10. One photo from your day with a caption

11. A pet peeve of yours that you experienced recently

12. Write about a hobby of yours

13. Tell us about something no one else knows

14. A list of all the things you’re grateful for

15. A Bucket list

16. A favorite moment from your day

17. A not-so-favorite moment from your day

18. About the first car you ever owned

19. Finish this sentence “If you really knew me, you would know ___”

20. When you first moved out of your parent’s house

21. A favorite movie

22. A list of your favorite movies

23. A movie review

24. A list of your favorite blogs

25. Things you like about Facebook

26. Things you don’t like about Facebook

27. Things you like about Twitter

28. Things you don’t like about Twitter

29. The most useful websites you use

30. Most common place you sit down to blog/write

31. Your best parenting advice

32. Your best marriage advice

33. Ten things you want to teach your children

34. Ten things you want your spouse to know

35. Write about the community you live in

36. Write about a charity you like and why

37. Write about one thing you don’t understand

38. Learn about one thing you don’t understand and share it with us

39. Favorite kid’s movies

40. A list of people you would like to meet

41. Your favorite quotes

42. Your favorite thing to do with your kids

43. Your favorite date spot

44. One memory from your childhood

45. One regret

46. One fear

47. One way you want to grow

48. One thing you wish you did really well

49. Your favorite time wasters

50. Your least favorite daily activities

51. Your top ten list of places you want to go

52. Your goals for the year

53. Reasons you blog

54. One thing that you won in your life

55. Things you would do with $1,000,000

56. Ten posts you have in draft mode

57. When you feel frustrated

58. How you blog

59. Your blogging tips

60. A funny story from your day

61. A list of your favorite songs

62. Least favorite thing to do with your kids

63. How you relax

64. Things you like about where you live

65. Things you don’t like about where you live

66. Favorite book as a kid

67. Give something away

68. Give tips and advice about something you know

69. Favorite part of your day

70. Least favorite part of your day

71. A post passing on something entertaining or useful

72. Why someone should start a blog or start writing

73. Ten things every blog should have

74. A list of your pet peeves

75. Things you want to do tomorrow

76. 25 things about you

77. Things you can do to serve your community

78. Things your family can do to serve your community

79. A thank you letter to your readers

80. A story about your favorite Christmas gift

81. Something you want to give your children

82. Why blog stats are important

83. Why blog stats aren’t important

84. Your goals for your blog

85. Write about being a good friend

86. Write about sharing your time, money, and abilities

87. The person who had the biggest impact on your life

88. How you would like to be remembered

89. An open letter to your readers asking them what they want you to write

90. A list of people that inspire you

91. Your favorite verse in the Bible and why

92. Favorite TV shows

93. TV shows you hate

94. I don’t get it; write about something that you think is over-hyped

95. Favorite purchase

96. Worst purchase

97. The best life advice you ever got

98. Write about your hopes, dreams and passions in life

99. Something that angers you

100. A post linking to this list for your readers :)

101. Write a list of 101 ideas to blog about

Which one is your favorite?  Which one will you blog about next time you’re stuck?

much love,

the petersons

Top 10 Best Kids Movies

I’m writing lists of 10 right now.  My previous one was more serious, 10 things I want to teach my children, but this one isn’t serious at all.  If you’re a parent, there are certain movies you dread having your kids pick out.  Like really dread.  But that’s for another list.  Here are the movies that I lobby, manipulate, and bribe my kids to pick…

10. For my 10 spot I really couldn’t pick one, but I couldn’t leave the list at just 9 either.  So here are a handful of movies that are a cut above the rest, but not by themselves at #10: Meet the Robinsons, Up, Ratatouille, Robots, A Bug's Life, and the Veggie Tales movies.

9. Cars - I haven’t seen the second one, but I loved the first.  If you haven’t seen the short movies starring Mater, don’t, they’re terrible.

8.  Monsters Inc. - Love this one.  It's funny and creative.

7.  Wall-E - I really like this one.  The problem is that my kids really don’t.  So a common plea from me might sound like this “Pleeeeeaaase can we just watch Wall-E?” my children’s response is something like this “nnnnnnnnnnnnnooooooooo” (said in a whiney tone).

               

6.  How To Train Your Dragon - Really funny movie and really creative.  It’s a little scary and so my kids don’t always want to watch it.

5.  Despicable Me - This is one of (if not the) funniest movie on this list.

4. The Shrek Movies - I loved 1 and 2, but the 3^rd Shrek wasn’t very good at all.  I thought that the final Shrek movie though was pretty good, but there are some scenes that I have to skip because the kids don’t like them.

3. The Toy Story Movies - I liked all of them, 1, 2 and 3. They are classic movies, with classic lines and really funny.  Even though the 3^rd Toy Story movie was a little bit scarier, I still liked it.  These stories are told so well and I think they are really creative in imagining a toy world with toy problems (like Andy not wanting to play with them anymore, getting sold in a garage sale and the new presents bumping off the old ones.)

2.  Mega Mind - Such a good movie!  I love hero movies, redemptive movies and funny movies; this movie is all three of those.  My favorite line from this movie is when Mega Mind confronts Titan by saying "I can't believe you.  With all your gifts, all your powers and you... you squander them for your own personal gain."  That challenges me, because all of us have gifts, talents and abilities, but do we use them for our gain or to help others?

1.  Kung Fu Panda 1 and 2 - Any night that our kids pick one of these two movies to watch, it’s gonna be a good time.  I love the stories and I love seeing Po grow into being a hero.  It’s funny and the fight scenes are pretty entertaining.  To be honest, I didn’t like 2 that much when it first came out, but the more I’ve seen it, the more I’ve liked it (and it's inspiring a blog post for the future).  I really hope they make a 3^rd one!

That’s it, this is my list.  What's your favorite kid’s movie?

Much love,

the petersons

"I love this guy; he saves China and saves me from watching lame Barbie movies."

10 things I want to teach my children

"Some of the kids I want to teach these things to."

So I want to start putting together some lists.  And for my first list in no particular order here are 10 things I want to teach my children.

To love God. I know that this is cliche, but more than telling my kids this I hope to model it to them.

After God - put family before everything else - including ministry.  All to often people confuse serving God for being everything we do 'outside' of our home.  Not so.  Serving God starts with those He's put in our family and we don't want to ever miss that. 

To be generous with their time, money, possessions and abilities.  If you want to find your life, you need to give it away.  If you live for yourself you will die alone.  True love is others centered, not self-centered.

To be grateful.  Sometimes our biggest struggles simply come from having the wrong perspective.  Being grateful is one way of correcting that perspective.

Your character matters.  Do the right thing, even if it hurts.

That they are loved unconditionally, not because they are good kids or do the right thing.  I need to be careful when I praise my children for doing the right thing.  Not because it's wrong to say "good job" to a job well done.  But because I never want my kids to feel like they are earning my love.  Heather and I love them.  period.

That life is full of doing things that we don’t want to do, but we still need to do them.  I've had this drilled into me from a young age and I'm glad I did.  Now I want to drill it into my kids.

That they can do whatever they set their mind and heart to.  I want my kids to be confident and secure in their abilities and gifts.

To not let fear dictate their decisions  It's difficult to make decisions in life.  Their are many things pulling us in many different ways.  When I've made life decisions based on faith, I've been grateful afterwards.  Don't let fear stop you from doing something great with your life.

The world needs heroes.  Be one.

This is my list, what is one thing (or ten) you want to teach your children?  Or what is your favorite one on this list?  Click on comments at the bottom of this post to join the conversation.

Much love,

Matt, Heather, Sydney, Lily, Aubrey, Ellie, Sammie and little Caleb